PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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