filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
