what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
