At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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