We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
