and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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