Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
