I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
