I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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