Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
