That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
