My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
