I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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