every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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