Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
