He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
