I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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