I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
