You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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