Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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