Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
