Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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