Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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