Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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