Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This baby is an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
