I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
