Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
