And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
