You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize