were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I understand Curling. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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