I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
