Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
