I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
