No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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