1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
bring money and cleavage
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
