Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
