8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
