Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
