we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
