I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
