i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
