things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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