Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
soo... how was my night?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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