It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
