I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They have beer where we have blood.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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