How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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