i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
