I seem to have left my pride at pride
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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