i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
