I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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