Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
