Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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