I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
