i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize