you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Still dying that you shit outside
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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