Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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