I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
