He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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