You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
