last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
