How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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