Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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