even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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