Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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