you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
