he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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