I'm drive I can fine osifer
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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