Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
