i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
