The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
