Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
