i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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