Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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